I've read so many articles about the terrible thoughts about needing to disclose trauma details to your t, although I hope this isn't totally mad. I'm working with the contrary.
I've several 'problems' that I am conscious of from an emotionally/verbally abusive step father to an adult that I trusted like a maternal figure that later confirmed she'd different tips for the relationship in HighSchool... Then what's daily becoming more of the conviction that I've repressed very early neglect (I've always had risks but am not reading his and my speech in my own mind which isnot nice exchange of words)... I have NEVER told details of some of this stuff. I have stated to 2 individuals who "something" occurred with this particular person that was the extent and I trusted. Photos, short video in my head of the people I recall and today these sounds of what I suspect plague me.
I'm dealing with a t and have discovered that I am unable to tell him SOMETHING if he doesn't ask directly. I've told him this and he's great at looking to ask me questions. The issue is, I also can not tell him what to ask. I know it might sound completely ridiculous, however it is similar to I am banned to just freely tell things-but I'm allowed to answer honestly. He has gone forward and backward about 'handling' stress and after that I believe I am so calm about things happening that he does not believe they're and begins Tell About Stress to believe we must go another way. I get so angry after I hear him talk about not addressing the injury specifically and obtain really frustrated and want to quit hope about actually getting relief. I can not tell him that although it is like I KNOW I have to obtain these details out. I think he's also worried I cannot handle coping with the injury right due to my panic attacks, but I really don't understand how to transform any one of this. He covers injury as possible and looking to get it done with as little depth and I have learn about every one of these new solutions to handle PTSD without detailed control, but I'd like it bad.
Does this make sense to ANYONE? I understand I would be REMARKABLY embaressed to mention the items that I hope it isnot something ill building me wish and I would have to to... But I am so worried we shall spend years because he thinks I am afraid tiptoeing around the facts and I am desperately attempting to spill the beans. I wish I can tell him this, but it is not allowed.